Wanting to be with You so the stuff here won't hurt anymore. Struggling with the same old things as two decades ago. Why do I insist on picking up old burdens and carrying them again?
Why can't I just wholeheartedly accept and receive the answer you already gave me - and let it free me and bless me and strengthen me? I see the wonder and the blessing and joy of receiving that Word from You: "It's My grace for you!" I treasure that day and that experience with You.
And I have even learned to appreciate and accept Your "no." Any "no" from You is a zillion times better than any earthly, fleshly "yes." I can see the good side.
I am humbled and eternally grateful that You cared enough to intervene. That You didn't give me what I wanted just because I begged. It's not really a complaint on my part, just a question - just trying to understand why.
Part of me realizes that I'm better off not knowing. Not knowing allows me to hold on to my innocence. To keep my heart clean. That's another gift from You. Shake off the why's, shake off the disappointment, the sadness of what might have been and grab a hold of what is.
Treasure the what is because it came straight from Your merciful and gracious hands. Accept that that is enough of an answer; it's the only answer I need this side of Heaven.
Refuse to look back. To keep revisiting the pain and disappointment does no good, only harm. Lord, help me to let go, to trust - blindly trust - and treasure and accept, being joyful that You loved me enough to intervene.